Jonathan

there is a difficulty in being angry on behalf of others..
there is no way to forgive..
there is no way to take it back..
there is no way to accept apology..

Let it go

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this: When people can walk away from you; let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.

I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

"They came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. for had they been of you, no doubt they would have continued with us." [1 John 2:19]

-from...I dunno. I just thought it was neat.

if you do... then:

"Hey everyone, can you please vote for my band to win this battle of the bands that we are doing. All you have to do is go here(http://www.vergeconcerts.com/showdown/voting.php) and click on Broken Winter, put your name and e-mail address, that is all. It only takes a second, so please do it, thanks a lot."

( a little last minute... )

you have to know that anything less than all of you would never be enough to stop the hurt..
you have to know that the next best thing to having all of you..is having none. for my sake.

So, since I haven't used my camera much lately, I decided to chronicle this past week to make up for it. This might just be a lot of pictures and nonsense for some of you, but if you're bored, go ahead and take a look.

( Quite a few pictures..You dial-up folks have been warned. )

( Thank you for putting that back up. So I clicked on that journal, and.. )

if I had my way I'd never let you go.

Why am I tired. yeeeesh. Anyway, we were watching the video from yesterday's show, and I have to say, wow, we're moving like we actually know what we're doing. Pretty crazy compared to how we were before. Gooood stuff. It'll be good to get to work on some songs before whenever we get another chance to play.

I have work..innn 3 hours. Ahhhhh.

In other news..

A friend of mine (yes you danielle) is leaving in a month or so..and even though we don't really talk anymore...it feels...really sucky. I'm not dumb, I know in the end its for the best for everyone really, but it's a little much when I think about it. It's overwhelming that I'd have to deal with someone else who I was close to moving away again.

...

Who's gonna go with me to concerts and stuff now..?

..

( if living was the hardest part.. )

No I didn't stay up straight til 620am like some insomniacs out there...but the heater sure got hot, so I woke up a while ago, and probably would've gone back to sleep but got a text from buttman annnnd now I'm here. Awake. At 621am now. Boooo.

On a less corny note..my cousin informed me yesterday that my grandma..well..my grandma's youngest sister died last-last night. Pancreatic cancer. I'm one of those people who has yet to have someone ultra-close to me die yet, and this is the closest thus far. A few years back my grandpa on my dad's side beat cancer...something I only really realized lately. Guess I was too young to understand at the time. About a month or so ago, a not-so-close aunt (notsoclose by family relation as well as relationship-wise) died of cancer as well. Kinda scary eh? The women in my family tree. Yikes. But upon hearing about my grandma's sister yesterday..I wasn't sure how to react..for though I knew her, I didn't know her well..but well enough to know she's one of those people in my life whom I never experienced any kind of anger or negative feeling from...always a kind eye. Didn't get to see her often in the latter half of my life because her and her husband moved to socal..but she was a constant presence in the past.

Anyway, this isn't a pity party for me. Just letting my thoughts out. Those of you who pray, I would ask you to please pray for her soul.

If I'm gone this weekend I'll be back on sunday. But I dunno. I'm not a funeral person..but if my presence is requested then I shall go.

...

I think I don't fear death. Well my own death anyway. I do fear losing people I love though...

and if in the past, far or recent, we've had our misunderstandings, and you're reading this..know that even if we don't talk anymore..I only wish you the best.

------annnyway. I'll let you guys know if I'll be gone south friday/saturday.

so yeah..this is one of those wakeup call type moments. I'm not sad. A little mellowed out by thinking a lot...but not sad. She's in a better place says my cousin. Whether you believe that or not is up to you. But what is true though, is that she's free from her physical suffering..and I'll drink to that.